I don't know what you think of me nowadays, but I feel compelled to let you know how I feel. 

It seems that the years continue to slip by me and every time I see you feels like another lost opportunity.  From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I have born a soft spot in my heart for you, but it always seems that something stands in the way. When we met it was the fear that you were so young, and yet even then I was driven to a beautiful brief kiss that I have always remembered. 

I am not sure how we lost touch that time, though I suppose I moved away.  But I never forgot you.  The next time I saw you was when Roy brought you over to see me at Midas China and Silver. There was no peace in my soul for weeks after that encounter.  Once again I was stunned with your sweet presence, yet I was already with someone.  I have always been a faithful person, and I could not betray her trust no matter how much I wished to be with you again.  I have regretted that loss a million times and wished things had been different. 

The next time your absence completely tore me apart is one you probably never knew.  I cannot say that it was a noble thing, but on the very night before my wedding, Roy and I talked of my life and the changes about to come to it, and I realized that I would never have a chance with you.  I just wanted to see you once more.  Roy and I spent that evening looking for where you lived, but he could not remember and we were lost for a way to find you.  That evening passed into my memory like some shameful hope, and the next day I was married.  I thought of you still, but as someone forever denied. 

Never in my life had I ever visited a place such as where you work until last September.  But when Roy told me that you worked there, I was consumed with a desire to see you no matter what.  I did not come there to see you dance; I just came to see the girl I keep missing.  Then I was still married, though I suppose it should have been obvious to me that it was coming apart, and so once again I felt I could do nothing.  I know you could feel the deep heavy sorrow that enveloped my heart, for you even said to me, "Don't look so sad."  But, I knew once again I had found you and could not be with you.  I loved my wife and could never have betrayed her, though it tore my heart to see you. 

She left me a week later.  I was shattered as I had devoted years to her, but that is in the past.  In a way, she has finally freed me--given me another opportunity. 

I am trying to tell you that every time I come to see you, it is not for your dancing.  I would rather a thousand times more that you just sit with me and talk and smile.  I am stunned and overwhelmed by your charms--I burn with a quiet, longing love built up and faded to embers again and again over the years.  Surely I have done stupid things; I am only human, and I grow lonely at times.  But I feel sparks every time I look at you, and butterflies rumble through my stomach, and my heart beats with joy and sadness and I dream of you, just soft dreams in which we hug and talk and laugh, but beautiful nonetheless. 

I don't know if it bothers you when I come to see you, but I hope it does not.  I feel strange coming to see you dance, because it really has nothing to do with why I come to see you.  I just want to spend time with you.  Normal time, friendly, relaxed, away from the tension of your job.  As I am driven crazy by just your smile, you can imagine the thunder that rages through my heart seeing you there.  I don't want to just be a customer though.  I would continue to be so simply to be with you. 

I know you have changed.  You are not the same Anona I kissed so long ago, not the same Anona that came to see me at the china shop.  But something about you always strikes a powerful chord in me--as though time had stood still and the world awaited the moment when once again I could stand with you, even if just for a moment.  I hope this time you don't slip away, and that the moment just might last. 

Love, 
Conrad