Eternal Hiring
Gettin' On at the Wolf
It seems rather fortuitous that I was drafted to write this piece for the new Night Edition just as White Wolf®s Black Dog erotica release, Eternal Hearts is being released. Why? Rumor has been that getting hired around here involved either being a poor unpaid intern or performing acts of heinous sexual decadence. After getting a look at Eternal Hearts, I am convinced that it is really just a pack of lewd office interviews thinly disguised as the exploits of fantasy favorites Lucita and Vykos and touched up to reflect people®s fetishes. Where else, ladies, I ask you, can you get a creature that can extend its tongue or other less mentionable parts of its body as far as it wants? And, guys, if you can®t get past the fact that old Vykos can look like a babe prettier even than your dreams, but was really a guy, then at least you can take comfort in our lady of darkness. Now if I could just find the lady Lucita is based upon around here somewhere, I would be a happy man.
So what does this have to do with me getting hired? With all of my habits, I just can®t afford to be a slave (oops, I mean intern). The alcohol and money-grubbing EX-girlfriend just costs way too much, not to mention the overdoses of caffeine and junkfood. Luckily, my exploits at the White Wolf private Succubus party at DragonCon 99 have spread far and wide throughout the gossip hungry corporate structure of monolithic White Wolf Publishing. Does no one on the face of the planet still not know? Public shows of indecent affection spurred by gross amounts of liquor really pays off. Now at least I am getting paid to write boastful junk to splatter across the pages of the world. Wait, I am getting paid, aren®t I? But after all the stuff I did for you».. I mean, I feel so cheap. Oh, I get to do the interviews for a while? Great, okay, ladies, here is what I like»
[Editor®s Note: We had to remove the rest of this article due to the extreme graphic nature of its content. We cannot condone this sort of behavior at the workplace, but if you would like Mr. Hubbard®s home address and phone number»]
Well, that's it. It was a short one. I meant the article, you pervert. No, I cannot get you hired, at least anymore, and no, stuff I write for totem does not necessarily represent the views of White Wolf Publishing or its parent company.
Copyright © Conrad Hubbard
